Comparison

Our kids played in this puddle for 30 minutes, engaged with tadpoles and water worms. Barefoot and content. Not asking for more, not asking to be entertained. Allowing the magic of imagination to take hold and guide each step. How many times do we rush our kids? How often do we hurry them because WE want to move on to something else? How often do we sit and scroll on our phones when our children are caught up in the wonderment of this magical earth we live on and we miss it? We have to stop. We have to do better. Sit in the stillness, the silliness, the ordinary that is so extraordinary to them.

We live in an automatic world. A world that doesn’t allow us to sit still. That prevents boredom. I found myself after 5 minutes wanting to move on to something else. Then I had what I call a holy moment. I asked myself, why? What else did we have to do? Where did we need to be? I don’t know, nothing and nowhere. None of those were good enough answers to pull these innocent littles out of their fun zone for selfish reasons. Instead, I snapped a picture, put my phone in the buggy and helped catch countless tadpoles. I watched them enjoy themselves and memorized the joy etched onto their little faces.

We rush through life. Rushing from one high to the next and no I am not talking about drugs. It seems like everything must be exciting, distinctive, fresh, original. Many people wonder how we got here, but I know exactly how we got here. Smart Phones and social media. Before everything was shared across this vast globe, our comparison barometer was minuscule. It barely existed. Sure the art of comparison has always been there. It is a given that people will compare. But now… it is all-encompassing. We compare parenting styles, academics, sports, hobbies, clothes, food, summer camps, baby milestones, wrinkles, hair, nails, shoes, homes, cars, etc. We compare every stupid thing. Why? Because it is out there for us to see… someone shared something, we saw it, formed a good or bad opinion on it and then felt the need to compare. Those comparisons are either public or private, but they are there.

Comparison kills. Comparison is evil. Comparison steals joy. It is completely detrimental yet most of us are so deep in it, that we have no way to swim to the surface, no clue which way is up. The scariest part is that comparison seeps into all areas of our lives and sprinkles all over our littles that watch us so closely. They pick up on every single comparison. Moms compare themselves to other moms. Dads comparing themselves to other dads. Parents comparing what they have versus what other families have. Parents comparing their children and their abilities against others. It has to stop. It’s not healthy and it is not sustainable. We have to shift the paradigm. Celebrate yourself and the talents you have without comparing yourself to someone else and harping on the things you do not have. Read that again, celebrate yourself and what you have without comparison to anything or anyone else. 

Every person is made beautiful and unique (unless you are a spawn, narcissist, psychopath, sociopath). I am so concerned about the direction our teenagers are traveling. They travel this path because we make it okay for them too. They travel this path because it is accepted and the so-called norm. The amount of times I have heard a parent say that they are getting their child an Iphone because all of the other kids have one and they do not want their kid to feel left out is GHASTLY. When did children start to rule the roost? When did parents, by the majority, start caring so much about being liked by their children instead of being the leader of the household and making the safer, better for them decisions? News Flash, we aren’t here to be our children’s friends. We are here to raise them into good, productive, responsible, emotionally resilent, strong and contributing members of society. We are not here to be their bestie. Get a grip. You cannot let your drive for a close relationship with your kids override the need to parent them correctly. Apparently this is an unpopular opinion, but we are here to provide and protect them, not dress up like them and make a Tik Tok dance to an explicit song, with moves way too advanced for a child. You are in the driver seat and there are no back seat drivers. Allowing your children to dictate is a dangerous path. A mom told me one day that she really didn’t want her 5 year old to play Roblox, but she lets him because all of his friends play and he felt left out. Mary Poppins might as well have called me a codfish because my mouth was wide open in shock. That right there allows you to succumb to continually being pushed over by your kids and believe me, they are taking notice. Your kids do not have much to think about on a daily basis. So, maybe you don’t recall all of the times that you allowed them to dictate to you or change your stance on something. However, they remember and they will continue to try and convince you to side with them because of it. On top of that, on the off chance that you decide you really do not want them to do (fill in the blank) they will push back, try and negotiate and perhaps even throw a fit. They do this because they remember all the times they won. Because of this, they do not know how to handle not winning with you. They will throw a hissy fit when things do not work in their favor. If you do not have clear boundaries when raising your kids you are setting yourself up for manipulation, exploitation and disrespect. Beyond that, you will not create an emotionally resilient child. Emotional resilience is pertinent in this world and the lack of that resilience is the reason so many children and teens are anxious and depressed. 

Guess what? All of this is driven by comparison. The way you parent, the relationship you think you ought to have with your kids, the way you dress them, treat them, sign them up for hobbies. It is all driven by comparison and it is killing their childhood. Killing their childhood and turning teenagers into miniature comparison minions which guess what? THEIR BRAINS cannot handle it. They need guidance, they want you to tell them NO this is not okay, NO, being petulant is unacceptable, NO, this is not safe, No, this is not right, No, that is impolite, NO, that is bad manners, BECAUSE you are the one in charge. They need to be told no, it is not okay to throw a fit or tantrum or have a meltdown about xyz. You lead them, not the other way around.